First Weekend of Freedom.

Wow, the weekend was better than I expected, it went by fast and about to impart on my last week of school and final homework assignments. I have two essays and a PowerPoint left to accomplish.  I handled things better yesterday than I thought I would. A very good friend brought me grocery shopping, and then home from the space. I got a lot of my homework accomplished. But when I was done, and looked around the apartment, and wondered what to do. Realized I no longer had any restrictions on what I could do. I actually realized that when I was grocery shopping. I was going through the isles and saw something tasty or sweet and my mind would go. "OOH, I can have that now!" But my mind would say, "but is it good for you, and do you really need it?" In all except one case, it proved to be a want and not a need. I could not go back to my old habits, I had made positive changes in my life. How many of the other changes I made in my life would still stay the same? Well, I did break down and watch TV for the first time in a very long time, and did realize while I miss certain shows, I didn't really miss TV itself. 


Again last night, however, i did not get much sleep. My mind and thoughts were too restless to get any real rest. I am mentally tired right now. I need some rest, but have homework to do and a group therapy appointment to go to, I missed it last week. I an tired, but I am trying to remain positive. I was pretty able to do this until I went into my laptop bag to get my flash-drive and found my collar with the tag of ownership still attached. 


For the first time since I chatted with her on Saturday, I broke down and let my emotions out, I lied down on my bed and could not stop crying. I don't cry, I usually can not cry. But this time, it was an uncontrollable and unexpected outbreak. And it scared me, more than I had been scared in a long time. My dog realized something was wrong and came up and put her head on my chest and slowly licked the tears off my face. I calmed down, and actually slept for an hour. 


So, now I am off to my group therapy and then back for more homework. So until tonite, have a great and powerful day!


A Purple Butterfly